What will absolutely be probably the hardest entry I will write, is the memorial of my Aunt. I say this with no exaggeration, there has not been a single day in 4 years that I have not thought about her. Unlike the feelings of regret I had when my Grammie died, I did not feel those at all when we lost Titi. It has been, to date, the most intense feeling of loss I have ever felt. I legitimately cried for hours, alone in my apartment in Florida. She died a week before I moved home to New York, and if I remember correctly, within weeks of her moving home to NY.
When we would misbehave as kids, my dad we threaten to send us to Titi's so she could "Straighten us out." Yeah, we played video games and watched movies and played electronic slot machine games. It was awesome. She and I joked about it when I was older. I almost wish I had misbehaved more lol. I can't think of a single time we asked to do something at her house and she said no. I feel like we were over there all the time. She was my mothers best friend. Minus a few rare occasions, I can not remember my mom being as happy as she was when she was there.
Titi was as straight a shooter as there was. You never wondered where you stood with her. Even as a child I admired that. If you were on her shit list you certainly were on her shit list. Miss bitch was her nickname. Marion told me a story one time about how Titi was mad at her for something and hadn't talked to her in months. Apparently some girl threatened to kick Marion's ass and Titi told her something to the effect of "kicking that bitches ass/cutting her head off" I'm not really sure which one but either way, that girl stopped messing with my sister haha.
After Grammie died I (as almost all of you have seen) Got a huge tattoo on my back with her name in it along with my fathers dad. Titi loved it so much. When she passed away I instantly started planning a tattoo for her. As morbid as it sounds, when I got the angel, I kinda left room to add certain names. (DONT JUDGE ME!! LOL) My mom and I were talking and she said she was "willing to give up her place for Titi". I don't think there was anything my mom wouldn't have done for her.
I could go on for hours about her, but honestly, my heart can't take it. I know that seems like a cheap way out, but I have already had to stop writing many times because I was crying. I love and miss you every single day Ti! <3<3<3
Beloved-VNV Nation
It's colder than before,
The seasons took all they had come for.
Now winter dances here.
It seems so fitting don't you think
To dress the ground in white and grey.
It's so quiet I can hear my thoughts touching every second that I spent waiting for you.
Circumstances afford me no second chance to tell you How much I've missed you.
My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass?
Please don't ask me why I'm here.
Something deeper brought me than a need to remember.
We were once young and blessed with wings.
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar.
Still greater things burned within us.
I don't regret the choices that I made.
I know you feel the same.
My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there?
These are feelings that do not pass so easily.
I can't forget what we claimed as ours.
Moments lost though time remains.
I am still proud of what we were.
No pain remains, no feeling.
Eternity awaits.
Grant me wings that I might fly.
My restless soul is longing.
No pain remains, no feeling.
Eternity awaits.
