Lucas turned 2 in July. He is seriously just amazing. I can't believe how much he changes on a daily basis. He is talking so well, and has a hysterical sense of humor for someone so young. I can't even explain how awesome he is.
I'm going to Nursing school now for my LPN. Then onto my RN and so on. It's going very well, I am very proud of myself.
A little over a month ago, GG passed away. It was pretty sudden. She had a stroke, held strong for a week in the hospital and then, left us. I made a video slide show for her wake. I think it came out pretty nice personally. It was all photos of her and my grandfather, my aunt and uncles, and the grand kids. We have a pretty large family.
I'm taking this loss very hard. I guess I take most losses hard. Every time I walk in, I expect to see her, or hear her feet shuffling across the floor. Lucas misses her too. He asks to go see her all the time and I tell him she had to go bye bye, but she loves us very much.
In the last few years, if she wasn't feeling well, and we had a gathering planned, she would cancel or change the date of it. Everything except Thanksgiving. Even christmas, she pushed back once or twice. But thanksgiving would happen, no matter what. That makes tomorrow very hard for me. It hurts so much. It's hard to articulate all of my thoughts. I feel very scattered.
I use music as an escape a lot of times. I just find it helps. For the entire time she was in the hospital, and the weeks following, I had this song on loop. I guess this is where I will end this. </3
You...
You believed ...
You believed in movements none could see.
You believed in me
You believed ...
You believed in movements none could see.
You believed in me
A passionate spirit
Uncompromised
Boundless and open
A light in your eyes
Then immobilized.
Uncompromised
Boundless and open
A light in your eyes
Then immobilized.
Broken
Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn't see
Yet it was you who prayed for me.
So what have I done
To be a son to an angel?
What have I done
To be worthy?
Fell at the hands of those movements that I wouldn't see
Yet it was you who prayed for me.
So what have I done
To be a son to an angel?
What have I done
To be worthy?
Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
"She never told a lie,
... well might have told a lie,
But never lived one.
Didn't have a life,
Didn't have a life,
But surely saved one."
See? I'm alright
Now it's time for us to let you go.
Difficult to see you in this light
Please forgive this selfish question, but
What am I to say to all these ghouls tonight?
"She never told a lie,
... well might have told a lie,
But never lived one.
Didn't have a life,
Didn't have a life,
But surely saved one."
See? I'm alright
Now it's time for us to let you go.
Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we'd follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.
How we'd follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.
Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.
Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see.
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see.
But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?
And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...
Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?
High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way they'll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You're going home.
You were the light and the way they'll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You're going home.
You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I've come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I've come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"
You are the light and way that they will only read about.
Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
(With the) burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.
(With the) burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.
Daylight dims leaving cold florescence.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home."
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
Should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf3r2Tja0-8
